DoubleButterNipples

America Solved

There’s really nothing else to say about this…well, there is. It makes sense. A LOT of sense. First off, most of our agriculture comes from california and the midwest, so I figure we get rid of a lot of states, and california and illinois will be able to provide enough for the United States of Sensibility. The rest of the midwest has to go. Have you ever been to Indiana? Of course you haven’t. You would have committed suicide already. Plus, the only good thing to come out of the dirty south was Oscar-winning Three Six Mafia. They’re rich now, so you know they have since moved out of the quarantine area. Don’t worry, they’re safe.

The “One Big National Park” will bring in tons of revenue, and we’ll hire all the current inhabitants to maintain the park. They live in the forest and mountains, so they’re probably poor and will be happy to have jobs(I know I would). Some people might disagree with the part we give back to Mexico(and most likely disagree with the entire map), but most of it is a desert wasteland anyway, and it will take care of the Mormon problem(#2 problem next to immigration). Some may think that they’ll still cross the border but not if we give them Las Vegas. Plus, the way we’re screwing over the Native Americans AGAIN by giving land to Mexico that was rightfully owned by the Native Americans is just so offensive its hilarious.

And Vacation World will solve many, many arguments about where to go on vacation. Somewhere warm? Hawaii. Somewhere cold? Hawaii, because you’ll get in a fight and end up there anyway. And Old Land? Fuck, I didn’t have to do anything. They just move there by themselves. I still have to pay the Elderly Collection Task Force though….

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