Filed under: Our World Solved
I’ve set out on a journey of complete selflessness. As the number one acting crusader of social justice, I am going to solve every global problem with very specific proposals because that’s what needs to be done to actually make a difference. You know what doesn’t make a difference? My five goddamn dollars a month. I’m sick of those motherfuckers from Greenpeace telling me that paying them five dollars a month is going to solve every problem. The only thing my five dollars goes to is paying more of you assholes to stand out on the street and forbid me from crossing the street without harassment(and you are damn good at it).
Here’s what’s going down: I am trying to become a published author so I can rub it in everyone’s face years down the road at my high school reunion. It’s called “Our World Solved” and exactly as the name implies, I am solving global problems like famine, overpopulation, politics, disease, and much, much more. I have specific plan proposals that I will share with you until I have enough to show them that I am serious and a motherfucking genius. You’ll see these and think, “Dammit, I can’t believe it was that simple.” Prepare yourself for a long series of hard answers to questions people fear to even think of understanding. I bet you even had to read the last sentence twice. Thus, you are not prepared.
Prepare
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