Filed under: Uncategorized
I’ve discovered I don’t have to write anything anymore because I discovered Good Housekeeping from 1906. Here’s just a little taste of whats to come.
"They came down a pile of jam sandwiches."
Can I explain it? Even when I read the article attached to it, no…no I can’t. But I can guess. Apparently a middle eastern goblin is unsatisfied with the jam sandwiches provided to him by a Pilgrim and makes the grave mistake of tossing them on the floor in disrespect because the Pilgrim has a sword.
glomcorp.com 
Filed under: Steves Brain Matter
When your state is close to being the next Indiana, you have two options:
1. Perhaps try and fix the state.
2. Trick people into visiting it, and when they are disappointed, it is already too late. You have their money. (more…)
Filed under: Real History
On June 12th, 1942, Anne Frank was given a diary for her thirteenth birthday, presumably because she drops a lot of shit, and you can’t destroy a diary by dropping it unless the place it is dropped is currently on fire. She unknowingly wrote one of the most important depictions of the frightening life of being a Jew during one of the darkest times in mankind’s history. This important diary was then given to every sophomore in high school, who then donated it to the nearby dumpster behind school where they smoke pot they bought from the janitor. But even they learned something about Anne Frank: (more…)
Filed under: Real History
Chauvinist Bird President knows everything about the world. Therefore, he will regularly appear to continue a billion year-long argument that no other countries should exist besides the United States of America. It’s a feature I call, “Real History with Our Chauvinist Bird President.” This week, he’ll enlighten us with the real story of America’s discovery. (more…)
Filed under: Our World Solved
Today it is June, arguably the worst month for holidays. With Memorial Day over and July 4th out of reach, all we have to look forward to is… (more…)
Filed under: Steves Brain Matter
This is the reason why I don’t have advertising on my site. I prefer straight forward advertisements as opposed to beating around the bush(or the lack of one in the case of this ad). I really have no choice but to continue my war against advertisements that refuse to tell you what they’re ultimately saying: (more…)
Filed under: Steve Applies For Jobs
Have you ever been to a family restaurant and been approached by a balloon twister? We provide those balloon twisters to over 400 restaurants each month around the country(including the Chicago Area), and we’re adding to our Chicago Area team. (more…)
Filed under: Steves Brain Matter
You know, I hate getting bothered on the street, and what bothers me the most is its usually Greenpeace. People are getting hit by cars crossing the street prematurely to avoid a conversation with them. Therefore, they are doing more harm than good. (more…)
Filed under: Our World Solved
There’s really nothing else to say about this…well, there is. It makes sense. A LOT of sense. (more…)
Filed under: Letters of Correspondence
My landlord declared war on everyone in my apartment complex last month, and I must say, it is not a war he can win. How dare he accuse us of leaving bags of garbage in the stairway when its obvious that the cleaning crew is placing bags there to clean up for extra profit. Its a conspiracy. Some wars are fought with guns, nukes, even animals sometimes, but mine start(and usually finish) with a letter of correspondence. My most recent victory having two free extra shirts sent to me. When I taste victorious blood, I need more. So, Lord of the Land, let the blood wars begin: (more…)
